There will be weeks where it all goes sideways. That isn't failing. That's a happy little accident, and we can paint a tree over it.
The short version
- Setbacks are part of it, not the end of it.
- Missing one day isn't failing. Two in a row is how a pattern starts, so the rule is: never miss two.
- Write your if-then plan now, before you need it.
Happy little accidents
As a certain softly spoken painter with magnificent hair might have put it: we don't make mistakes, we have happy little accidents. A week off with a cold? A happy little accident. A wedding with a free bar? A happy little, slightly blurry accident. You don't throw the canvas in the bin. You paint a happy little tree over it, and you carry on.
That isn't just being nice. In a set of experiments, people who treated a failure with self-compassion were more motivated to improve than people who gave themselves a hard time.1 Being fair to yourself isn't letting yourself off. It's what gets you back on the canvas. That's the accountability.
One day isn't a pattern
In the habit study from chapter 1, missing a single day didn't stop the habit forming.2 So one missed day is just a day. Gently, though: two in a row is how a pattern starts. So the rule is simple. Never miss two. If you missed yesterday, today's the day, even if today is ten minutes and one wall press-up. A small brushstroke still counts.
Your if-then plan
Plans that spell out exactly what you'll do when a problem turns up, "if this happens, then I'll do that", make people noticeably more likely to stick to their goals.3 So let's write yours now, while things are calm and the paint is still wet.
My if-then plan
Fill in the "then" for each one. Change the examples to suit your life. It saves on this device only, as you type.
When willpower fades
Motivation is a guest. It turns up when it feels like it and leaves without washing up. So don't build your plan around it. Build it around habits and your if-then plan, so the decision's already made before you have to think.
- Lay your kit out the night before, where you'll trip over it.
- Same time, same place, as often as you can.
- Make it smaller rather than skipping it. Ten minutes beats none.
- Just start. Give it two minutes, then decide. You'll usually keep going.
When it's more than a wobble
If you've lost interest in things you usually enjoy, feel low most days, or can't see the point, that's more than a setback, and it's worth talking to your GP. You can also refer yourself to NHS talking therapies.4 If you're struggling to cope, Samaritans are there day or night on 116 123.5
Your rep for this chapter
Fill in your if-then plan. Then put the phone down and paint a happy little tree. Or do a wall press-up. Either.
All 18 chapters of Basic Training
Sources
1. Breines JG, Chen S. Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2012;38(9):1133-1143.
2. Lally P, van Jaarsveld CHM, Potts HWW, Wardle J. How are habits formed: modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology. 2010;40(6):998-1009.
3. Gollwitzer PM, Sheeran P. Implementation intentions and goal achievement: a meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology. 2006;38:69-119.
4. NHS. NHS talking therapies.
5. Samaritans: call 116 123, free, day or night.