There will be weeks where it all goes sideways. That isn't failing. That's a happy little accident, and we can paint a tree over it.
The lie
"I've ruined it now."
The short version
- Setbacks are part of it, not the end of it.
- Missing one day isn't failing. Two in a row is how a pattern starts, so the rule is: never miss two.
- Write your if-then plan now, before you need it, and save it to your phone.
Today's rep: Fill in your if-then plan and save it to your phone. Jump to it
You haven't ruined anything
One biscuit didn't wreck three weeks. The lie did.
"I've ruined it now" is the most expensive lie in Bootcamp, because of what comes after it. You miss a session, eat a biscuit, and decide the whole thing is ruined. And since it's ruined anyway, you might as well have the rest of the packet. And a takeaway, since the day's gone. And since the week's gone, you'll start again Monday. And you're back in chapter 1, on the sofa, with the soup man, and the dog won't look at you. One biscuit has become a three-week holiday from your own life, and the biscuit didn't do that. The lie did.
Happy little accidents
Being fair to yourself after a slip keeps you going. Paint a tree over it.
As a certain softly spoken painter with magnificent hair might have put it: we don't make mistakes, we have happy little accidents. A week off with a cold? A happy little accident. A wedding with a free bar? A happy little, slightly blurry accident, with a conga in it. You don't throw the canvas in the bin. You paint a happy little tree over it, maybe a happy little cloud, and you carry on.
That isn't just being nice. In a set of experiments, people who treated a failure with self-compassion were more motivated to improve than people who gave themselves a hard time.1 Being fair to yourself isn't letting yourself off. It's what gets you back in front of the canvas. That's the accountability.
The badger and the elephant
Booted forty foot by an elephant. Got up. Carried on. The story, at last.
Right. You've earned it.
In Zimbabwe, a honey badger picked a fight with a bull elephant. The elephant is about 900 times his size and comes factory fitted with a hydraulic mega murder trunk. The elephant panicked. That sentence alone tells you most of what you need to know about honey badgers. Then it booted him in the head. He was out cold for five minutes. Then he woke up and attacked the elephant again, immediately, as if nothing had happened, because as far as he was concerned nothing had. The elephant booted him again, about forty foot this time. He lay in dreamy sleep land a bit longer, possibly thinking about bees. Then he woke up and cracked straight on with the task at hand, which was still trying to bite an animal 900 times his size.
He did not stop. At no point did he stop. Nobody has ever been able to explain to him what stopping is. Several have tried. Most of them needed stitches.
That's the same badger currently asleep on your sofa with his feet on your cushions. This isn't a nature documentary. There's no calm narration, and nobody's about to unlock a storage unit. It's a training manual, and he's the training.
You'll get booted forty foot too. A cold, a wedding, a new baby, a fortnight where work eats you alive, a week where your period and your job gang up on you. Lying in dreamy sleep land for a bit is allowed. Then wake up and crack on with the task at hand. That's the bit to copy. The bit to skip is picking a fight with the elephant in the first place. Your elephant is the crash diet and the dawn burpees from chapter 1. The badger never learned that lesson. You can.
One day isn't a pattern
Never miss two. Ten minutes and one wall press-up still counts.
In the habit study from chapter 1, missing a single day didn't stop the habit forming.2 So one missed day is just a day. Gently, though: two in a row is how a pattern starts. So the rule is simple. Never miss two. If you missed yesterday, today's the day, even if today is ten minutes and one wall press-up. A small brushstroke still counts. A small bite still counts, if you're a badger.
Your if-then plan
Some plans spell out exactly what you'll do when a problem turns up: "if this happens, then I'll do that". Plans like that make people noticeably more likely to stick to their goals.3 So let's write yours now, while things are calm and the paint is still wet. Then save it to your phone, where you'll actually see it.
My if-then plan
Fill in the "then" for each one. Change the examples to suit your life. It saves on this device as you type, and you can save it as a picture on your phone.
When willpower fades
Motivation is a guest. It turns up when it feels like it, eats your biscuits, and leaves without washing up. So don't build your plan around it. Build it around habits and your if-then plan, so the decision's made before you have to think, because thinking is where the lies live.
- Lay your kit out the night before, where you'll trip over it.
- Same time, same place, as often as you can.
- Make it smaller rather than skipping it. Ten minutes beats none.
- Just start. Give it two minutes, then decide. You'll usually keep going.
When it's more than a wobble
If you've lost interest in things you usually enjoy, feel low most days, or can't see the point, that's more than a setback, and it's worth talking to your GP. You can also refer yourself to NHS talking therapies.4 If you're struggling to cope, Samaritans are there day or night on 116 123.5
Your rep for this chapter
Fill in your if-then plan and save it to your phone. Then put the phone down and paint a happy little tree. Or do a wall press-up. Either.
The lie: "I've ruined it now."
The short version
- Setbacks are part of it, not the end of it.
- Missing one day isn't failing. Two in a row is how a pattern starts, so the rule is: never miss two.
- Write your if-then plan now, before you need it, and save it to your phone.
Your rep
Fill in your if-then plan and save it to your phone. Then put the phone down and paint a happy little tree. Or do a wall press-up. Either.
Your browser forgets. Your photos don't. Save it, and the rep turns up in your camera roll at 7am when you're looking for something else.
Sources
1. Breines JG, Chen S. Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2012;38(9):1133-1143.
2. Lally P, van Jaarsveld CHM, Potts HWW, Wardle J. How are habits formed: modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology. 2010;40(6):998-1009.
3. Gollwitzer PM, Sheeran P. Implementation intentions and goal achievement: a meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology. 2006;38:69-119.
4. NHS. NHS talking therapies.
5. Samaritans: call 116 123, free, day or night.